The Tourist, or The SNOREist!!! (aha!) - live blog.

I got so bored during this film, I decided to live blog it. You join me 1hr in. Current annoyances:

For an A-list couple, Jolie and Depp have ZERO charisma and chemistry.

The film is set at a pall-bearer's pace, ambling from one non-scene to another.

The soundtrack is fighting, fighting, fighting to make us care, but ends up intrusive and inappropriate.

It's almost impossible to understand who is after them and for what reason.

It feels like all The budget was blown on the two key stars and location, so there was nothing left for script or actual action locales - green screen is used with a 1950s level of regularity.

Now you are caught up with the inactivity, we are going live....

Ballroom scene: No, the budget was actually blown on this scene. Opulent isn't it.

Depp's hair is inexplicable. As is Jolie's accent.

Please stop talking/unnecessary expositioning.

Paul Bettany needs to do a decent movie some day.

"I shouldn't be here"- Jonny Depp. No, you shouldn't. Go back to doing something decent, like, um, Pirates 5?!

There is more background exposition in this film than actual action.

Worst bad guy ever!!! "I'm going to push bookcases over until you talk!!!" Gah!

Who actually knows who Depp's character is and who cares why he is who he isn't, but may not possibly be, if.

Jolie silently mouths "i love you" as Depp walks in super, super slow-mo across the room. I miss Brad Pitt.

Oh yeh, Timothy Dalton is in this film. For 26secs.

Final line: "It'll do". No, no I'm afraid it simply will not do.

So, in conclusion, yes it is as dire as you were told. Please avoid.

Captain America

Captain America (12A)

Director: Joe Johnston

Cast: Chris Evans, Hayley Atwell, Stanly Tucci, Hugo Weaving

So here it is, the final chapter in the prologue to the Marvel masterplan of the Avengers superhero mash-up! And they didn’t save the easiest till last. The very name, Captain America, is a hard sell, with multiple hyper-patriotic pictures dampening worldwide zeal for all things Uncle Sam. Certainly, contemporary perception of the star-spangled superhero would stamp his character as irrelevant and outdated, ironically a theme of the comic book series. Despite that, with Thor, Kevin Feige (Marvel Producer) and company have already done the seemingly impossible – making a Norse God relevant and relatable. Hopes are high that they can perform the same magic again.

However, until we see Cap (aka Steve Rogers – played with surprising dignity and stature by Chris Evans) in all his Nazi-kicking glory, we must endure the obligatory origin story. Currently Cap, a digitally downgraded Evans, is a weedy asthmatic whose only desire is to fight for his country despite his physical inability. Enter Dr Abraham Erskine (Stanley Tucci in one of a number of scene-stealing supporting roles), and his super-soldier serum, turning Rogers from a wimp with heart into the ultimate fighting machine. Early scenes do border on the melodramatic, reminiscent of the far-too-silly scenes in Spiderman 3, turning what should be light and fun to borderline pantomime.

However, this frustration pales once Captain America gets his muscles and launches into full-throttle, evil-whooping top gear. With his small company of soldiers, Cap goes about wreaking havoc on the Nazi independent group, HYDRA, headed up by the mysterious Johann Schmidt, aka the Red Skull, (played with typical slimy superiority by Hugo Weaving), a man intent on harnessing the power of a mysterious artefact.

More so than any previous Marvel film – with perhaps the exception of Iron Man 2 - this does feel like an extended set-up for The Avengers. Clear themes run through, from the use of Tony Stark’s, aka Iron Man, father Howard (Dominic Cooper), through the serum which will eventually turn Bruce Banner into the Hulk, to the power cube which will no doubt play a role in the upcoming film. Above all, the film must attempt to introduce Evans as the man of stature who will ultimately lead the assembly of superheroes. However, none of this ever feels forced and strands thread together quite naturally, only raising anticipation for the upcoming feature.

The main reason Cap’s extended origins succeed lies in the aforementioned supporting cast, of which there are many stand out performances. Hayley Atwell is a strong counter to Evan’s Rogers, while Tommy Lee Jones as Colonel Chester Phillips comes perilously close to stealing the film. There are some tantalising nudges towards future possible Captain America adventures – Bucky (Sebastian Stan) and Red Skull are key characters left suitably open-ended – and a real sense that, in the right directorial hands, this world and characters that Marvel are creating will have plenty of mileage beyond next year’s tentpole event.

Rating: 4/5

DVD Hit: The Extraordinary Adventures of Adele Blanc-Sec (12A)

The Extraordinary Adventures of Adele Blanc-Sec (12A)

DVD Release – Available Now.

Director: Luc Besson

Cast: Louise Bourgoin, Mathieu Amalric, Gilles Lellouche

Director Luc Besson is perhaps the Director who has made the transition from France across the Atlantic most successfully. As a director he has been responsible for such cult classics as The Fifth Element and Leon, as well as penning the Transporter series and Taken, among others. With a keen eye for drama amidst his sharply executed action sequences, femme fatales and trippy visuals, a Besson film can be many things, but never dull.

Adele Blanc-Sec (Bourgoin) is ostensibly Indiana Jones as written by Jane Austin - an intrepid explorer seeking ancient treasure, who happens to be a lady. Do not confuse Adele for Lara Croft – this is certainly a better affair, as it breezes through without the pretensions of the other Jones rip-off. Equally, Louise Bourgoin is a far more amiable presences than Ms Jolie, both feisty and vulnerable, giving real heart to proceedings.

As one character states, with Adele Blanc-Sec it is best to not ask how or why – such answers are unnecessary and really distract from the pleasure of the experience. More than once, the charming quirk sails perilously close to farce, but eventually manages to emerge, admittedly with a few bumps and bruises, as an enjoyable adventure romp with plenty of charm.

Rated: 3/5

Cars 2 - (U)

Cars 2 - (U)

Director: John Lasseter

Cast: Owen Wilson, Larry the Cable Guy, Michael Caine

The comparison was never going to be fair, but the opening Pixar short makes it abundantly clear; Lightning McQueen (Owen Wilson) and best friend Mater (Larry the Cable Guy), are just not in the same league as their Toy Story counterparts. Following Mater the pickup truck, now inexplicably taking centre stage, is a wearing experience to say the least, his dawning revelation that he is, in fact, a pain in the boot (hey!), being almost as trite as his slack-jawed yokel routine.

Making the decision, however, to move the action away from the desert town of Radiator Springs was a wise one. The beautifully realised European and Japanese locales, the setting for McQueen’s series of races and entertaining James Bond-esque story of corporate sabotage (providing some of Pixar’s best set pieces), are breathtaking - especially with the surprisingly effective 3D. Regardless, Cars 2 is sadly stuck in neutral, never quite managing to shift into top gear.

Rating: 3/5

One flew over the cuckoo's nest

Due to gentleman's honour, I have been unable to discuss Filmclash film opinion until post-recording. Here's my brief thoughts:


Watching OFOTCN is kind of like being hit by a truck straight after a party. Very funny, with unbelievable performances, beautifully realised character arcs, but with a devastating conclusion.
Can one man's lust for life be contained by external oppression? No matter how much it is crushed, can the human spirit ever be tamed? Based on this evidence, i think not.

Key words: Breathtaking, hilarious, crushing. Vital.

Sicklist Diagnosis: Advanced stages of shell-shock, with signs of growing optimism.

A new dawn awakes...

In an effort to actually make something of this blog, within the limited amount of time I have, I'm going to attempt shorter, more regular posts - perfect toilet reading, as most of the writing will take place there.

Harry Potter is out today, so here's a monkey wearing Harry Potter glasses:





(also, check out my review below)

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (12A)

Director: David Yates

Cast: Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emily Watson

It is impossible to review Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt.2 (from now, HP7b) simply as an isolated film. Anyone who has spent the last ten years in the company of Harry and friends, will have expectations raised inordinately high for a satisfying conclusion to the epic cinematic journey. Thankfully, for all concerned, HP7b is thrilling, dynamic and thoroughly engaging, easily becoming the high water mark of the series, bolstered by the extra sense of occasion afforded by that which has gone before.

Most notably, the sense of scale, which was lacking in previous adventures, is finally apparent. It has always been a frustration that the rise of Lord Voldemort over the last few films seemed to be rather too easy. Where, for example, was the equivalent of the Riders of Rohan streaming over the horizon to the defence of the Citadel of Hogwarts? The world of Harry Potter felt a little too small.

Here, however, the series finally spills over into the epic. Thousands of Voldemort’s followers descend on Hogwarts in fury, as the remaining magical community make their last stand. Meanwhile, the intimate story of the central three teenage friends, always a strength of the series, is woven artfully into the grander scale, as Harry, Hermoine and Ron attempt to destroy the last of Voldemort’s soul-containing Horcruxes (yes, you really do need to have kept up) in order to finally destroy the One Who Cannot Be Named (or the One Who Is Now Inconsistently Named).

After the lacklustre pace of The Deathly Hallows Part One, all of magical hell is unleashed here in spectacular fashion, with copious amounts of death and destruction of school property. However, while the action and digital effects are well above the standard previously on display, the real joy is found in some of the great British thesps demonstrating their full acting chops. Ralph Fiennes is finally given room to revel in his full maniacal malevolence, Professor McGonagall’s (Maggie Smith) icy exterior breaks wonderfully, and Alan Rickman’s Snape, a long-standing gem of the franchise, is given the most emotionally impactful moment of them all.

There are definite flaws. The Epilogue, which in the book served as a pleasant coda, on film is unintentionally amusing and totally unnecessary, grating against the grain of the tone previously established. There are also some fairly dodgy face-editing techniques employed, and some of the more significant emotional moments feel a tad hurried. However, when all is done, this is a marvellous send-off for the boy wizard, a fitting conclusion to one of the most successful franchises of all time.

Rated: 4/5