The Expendables

The Expendables
Rating: 15
Director: Sylvester Stallone
Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Jet Li, Jason Statham, and Sly’s entire phone book.

The 1980s were the golden era of the action icon, with true classics like Rambo, Terminator, Die Hard, and Masters of the Universe (?!), all being forged in this epic period. Compared to the spandex-covered, emotionally-compromised Marvel stars of today’s cinema, the heroes of the 80s felt no pain, no remorse, and they absolutely did not stop, ever! That is, until the 90s which introduced a new breed of insipid superstar who acted with their brains rather than their trigger finger.

When Stallone announced he was bringing together the ultimate fighting team for a grunt-fest of epic 80s proportions, those of us with a violent disposition who model ourselves on Arnie’s physique (in my case, successfully) had our hope rekindled.

The opening scene sets the pace nicely with all the loud noises, flexed biceps and blood letting you would want and expect. However, being constructed around a very simple and mainly irrelevant plot (go in, save the girl, blow stuff up), when the action stops and the talking begins, the Expendables seriously loses pace. The much touted scene featuring the Big Three of Stallone, Willis, Schwarzenegger is just plain uncomfortable, with dialogue that is forgettable at best, and at worst makes the skin crawl.

Thankfully, coming out of the mid-section slump, the last half hour more than makes up the mileage. With some beautifully executed deaths, brutal fist fights, lots of big guns and exploding stuff, mixed with a dash of lovely little one-liners, The Expendables finds it’s purpose. Reportedly, Van Damme refused to join the team because he didn’t get the joke. And this is exactly why it works. Populated by a cast grateful to be doing what they do best, and clearly loving every minute, it never gets weighed done with a sense of its own importance or takes itself too seriously, focussing instead on a testosterone driven performance with barely an ounce of grey-matter in sight.

And I, for one, am grateful.

Rating: 7/10